Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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