ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
