New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
