After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
