Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
