SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
