in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
