Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
