You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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