It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
