Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
