I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
