Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
