I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
