someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
