what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
