I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
