Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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