so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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