I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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