you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
