the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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