I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
meet me or not, i'm out of control
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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