can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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