More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
whose ass print is on the piano?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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