Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
