i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
