Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
