I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
