Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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