What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
