It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
