why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You're my little dorito
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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