so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
