id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
