I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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