he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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