____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
