I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
