I understand Curling. That high.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
