Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My vagina is officially offended.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize