My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
