Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
