Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
