I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
