Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My nipple is on Facebook.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
