A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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