When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
