I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
