its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
