You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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