porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
