Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
