Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
