He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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