Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize