I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
