Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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