At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
