Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it glows. i had to have it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize