Everything about him screamed your future.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
