An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
