Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she smelled like a LAN party
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
