I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize