This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
