You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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