i permit you to call me
we made out on top of his cat.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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