Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
