but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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