Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize