when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
wow bdsm is so cute
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