Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
