Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
