do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So drunk its hurt
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
