I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
