i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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