I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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