i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
