Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Drake has all the answers
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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