Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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