I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize