I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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