I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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