im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
