I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
