I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
