when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize