sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
