Can i not drive my cunt home
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize