Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just gift wrapped bread.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
