just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize