i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
