you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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