Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
