I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My vagina just clenched in fear
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize