Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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