There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
