every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
