are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
