where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
