She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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