I smell stomach acid.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
