Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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