Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize