I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
